You Don’t Know Me: Transformed by God
If you have been within one square mile of me within the last few years you have certainly heard me utter the phrase “you don’t know me.”A staple of my sarcastic personality, the phrase is a jest aimed at people who make assumptions about my life.
“Whatever, Sam would never get a tattoo.” – you don’t know me.
“No way, Sam has never been in love.” – you don’t know me.
“Yeah right, Sam would never go hunting.”- (say it with me…) you don’t know me.
While my use of the phrase is mostly a joke, it stems from a very serious protest to the simple fact that people think they know what you will do based on the past, based the person you used to be. I am a person who wholeheartedly believes in change, for I believe God calls us to transform from our selfish born lives. The gospel calls us to work every day to become better people, to make choices that improve the world, and to find ways to embody God’s love on earth. This attitude is definitely the antithesis of our consumerist culture. And as Jesus was the ultimate example, anyone who is truly living for God will be living a life that is anti-cultural. Let’s go to The Book:
“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.”
Romans 12:2 (NLT)
Are you ready for change? Allow God to transform you. Just ask him to. That’s how it begins. Know that the process will be painful. You’re going to have to let unhealthy parts of your life die. I will spare you a bible verse about “circumcision of the heart.” (Deut. 10:16) The point is of the verse, while mildly crude, is actually a pretty great metaphor in which God is calling us to let him cut what is the center of a man’s power, pride and pleasure. I mean, it still makes me queezy but at least we get the message…?
So, stranger reading my blog? Who are you today? Have you helped anyone? Is the world a better place today because you were in it? I hope so.
If not, what is holding you back? What are you waiting for? Oh no, don’t tell me your past failures are getting in the way…
In almost every aspect of life, erasing the past is nearly impossible. Your driving record. Everything you’ve ever posted on Facebook. Your credit score. Your text messages. Your score on Farmville… These days it seems, short of moving to a remote village in Kamchatka and getting a face transplant, you can’t escape who you’ve been. Except that you can, through God. God has given us the greatest gift of all – grace. The ability to start over. The chance to fall on our knees and ask, beg, plead: “God, give me a second chance to be who I was meant to be.” The best part, his answer is always yes. YES! Of course my child, I love you. You are free of your past. And you don’t even have to enter a credit card. How about that?
It’s that simple! Thinking about making a change? Let one of my favorite quotes inspire you:
For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.-The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
This past year has been revolutionary in my life. I have found myself back living in my childhood home, where some of the most horrific moments of my life have occurred and walking down the same streets I used to walk to elementary school on – only in much larger shoes. More and more I have realized this was part of God’s plan for my life. God has brought me back to the place where I became who I am, but as a completely different person. Somehow being home I have found freedom and happiness. Of course I still have problems like you wouldn’t believe, but when you stop worrying about the things that don’t matter and allow God to transform your heart, life gets so good.
I hope you have the courage to walk the path of change. Pray for me as I do. It’s not going to be a walk in the park, unless you’re talking about the kind of park that has surgeons and scalpels. (sorry… couldn’t resist). The hardest part will be being around people who knew the old you, who resist the notion that you are much different now than you were in days past. Persevere! You’re not alone. (If you ever need prayer or simply to talk you can always contact me.) Keep pursuing the struggle of being full alive in God. It is completely worth it.
I part you with these encouraging words:
Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go. – Joshua 1:9
It’s a long walk through this world, but keep walking tall, you’re one day closer to being home.
What it Means to be a Real Man
There are defining moment’s in every young man’s life, moment’s that quickly communicate societies definition of a man. One of these in my life happened at the University of Minnesota’s Basketball Camp in the summer of 1998. The camp guaranteed through relentless conditioning and never-ending drills all ten-year-olds could be division 1 bound before nap time. On the last day of camp every player received an evaluation by a professional basketball coach. My ratings were all pretty good except one: aggressiveness. To which my biological father replied “you need to be more of a man out there.” And thus began a very long journey of discovering what it truly means to be a man.
One year for Christmas I got a two-year subscription to Men’s Health magazine. Ever opened one? It is filled with messages of “masculinity” such as: Real men never back down from a fight because violence can solve any problem. Real men can bench press an adult hippo. Real men are savage sexual beasts who must pursue sexual intercourse from sun up to sun down.
Psychologists actually have a word for this Men’s Health view-point of manhood: hypermasculinity – the exaggeration of male stereotypical behavior, such as an emphasis on physical strength, aggression, body hair, body odor, and virility.
As a guy who grew up with very few positive male role models, I can tell you first hand as a society we are doing a terrible job of teaching boys about becoming real men. We are in fact telling them they must be hypermasculine. But if being a real man isn’t about who can eat the most food, who can fart the loudest and who can win sporting events, what is it about?
To answer this question I asked myself “who are some of the greatest men in history?” I immediately came up with Jesus, Ghandi, and Martin Luther King Jr. Care to disagree? Then I asked myself “what do they have in common?” Nothing on the hypermasculinity list came up. Here’s what I did come up with:
Sam’s Anti-Cultural Traits of a Real Man
- Integrity – Integrity is more than being honest, it is striving for moral excellence. Real men say what they mean and mean what they say. They are the same person whether people are watching or not. They are trustworthy, dependable and unwavering.
- Compassion- Feeling empathy towards another man’s misfortune and action towards relieving that pain. Men aren’t often viewed as being compassionate, but it is a trait that helps us to become more connected to the people around us. Real men turn their compassion into service and work to make the world a better place.
- Self-control – Hardly a day goes by without a news report about some high-profile man who has been destroyed by sex, money, and/or drugs. Self-control starts with focus and ridding yourself of distractions. Doing this isn’t easy because temptations lurk around every corner. Real men make decisions that make God and their families proud to know them.
- Perseverance – Perseverance is the product of self-control. It is courageous resistance against difficult circumstances. Perseverance is only developed through trials. Real men endure the trials and emerge stronger. They never give up.
- Bravery – Bravery is the courage to do what is right regardless of the circumstances. Nothing is ever accomplished with an attitude of passivity. Real men stand up in the face of adversity and use violence as a last resort.
- Humility – Today’s breed of young men loves to let everyone know how much swagger they have. They thump their chests and proclaim to the world, “I’m a Big Deal. Look at me!” Real men understand the value of being humble and letting someone else’s light shine. Humility indicates that you are ridding yourself of the poison of self-centeredness. Besides, humility softens the blow when someone knocks you off your pedestal.
No, I am not saying physical strength isn’t important, it is. And I am certainly not saying we should cancel organized sports and put our boys in ballet. (I really don’t like ballet, sorry.) I am saying we are creating a generation who looks to Hollywood for real men and not to God. We are made in the image of God (Genesis 1:27). What is your image of God? Big bulging muscles?
So the next time you judge someone’s masculinity, ask yourself what in fact are you basing your judgement on? What is your image of a real man? Do you picture Ghandi or Ryan Gosling? The Hulk or Jesus? Martin Luther King Jr. or Mr. T?
Sadly, how many men do you know that fit the real men list? There isn’t a magazine, no sixty easy steps or fold out diagrams. There is just one book: the bible. Read about Jesus, the truest example of what it means to be a real man. The best part, you can even drink a beer while you read it.
It’s a long walk through this world, but keep walking tall, you’re one day closer to being Home.
A Long Walk Home 